Most of us have felt it at some point—that quiet pressure to match what other people around us seem to have. Maybe a neighbour buys a new car, a friend shows off a renovated kitchen, or someone at school or work gets the latest phone. Even if we were perfectly happy before, suddenly we feel behind. This feeling has a name: Keeping up with the Joneses.
The phrase came into popular use in the early 20th century to describe the social pressure of comparing yourself to people who appear wealthier or more successful. Today, the idea is stronger than ever, thanks to social media, rising living costs, and the constant visibility of other people’s lifestyles.
Understanding this concept isn’t just interesting—it helps you protect your financial wellbeing, mental health, and long-term happiness. Let’s explore what it means, why it’s so powerful, and how you can break free from the comparison trap.
Key Takeaways
Keeping up with the Joneses describes the pressure to match other people’s lifestyles—even when it hurts your finances.
Social comparison is normal, but too much of it leads to stress, debt, and dissatisfaction.
Social media magnifies comparison because it shows polished, unrealistic versions of people’s lives.
Overspending and lifestyle inflation are common consequences of chasing someone else’s standard of living.
Your financial goals should be based on your own values—not what your neighbours, friends, or influencers are doing.
Budgeting and tracking progress help you stay grounded and in control of your money.
Gratitude and mindfulness reduce the urge to compare and encourage appreciation of what you have.
Financial independence comes from spending intentionally, not impressing others.
Teens, adults, and older people all experience comparison pressure—no one is immune, but everyone can overcome it.
True happiness comes from purpose and stability, not possessions or competition.
What “Keeping Up With the Joneses” Really Means
At its core, keeping up with the Joneses is about social comparison—the instinct to measure your success, value, or happiness against other people. Psychologists have studied this behaviour for decades. It can be helpful (for setting goals or motivating yourself), but it often leads to financial stress, anxiety, and frustration when we compare ourselves in unhealthy ways.
The problem is simple: we’re comparing our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel. Research consistently shows that social comparison is linked to lower life satisfaction and higher debt levels, especially when people try to signal status through spending (Chou & Edge, 2012; Vogel et al., 2014).
When comparison shapes your financial decisions, it becomes a trap—one that can quietly drain your money and your happiness.
Why We Fall Into the Comparison Trap
There are a few reasons why keeping up with the Joneses is so tempting:
1. Humans are wired to compare.
Psychologist Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory suggests people naturally evaluate themselves by comparing to others. It’s how we judge whether we’re “doing well”.
2. Social media exaggerates reality.
People show the best parts of their lives online. Even if you know it’s curated, it still affects your expectations.
3. Modern lifestyles are more visible than ever.
It’s easy to see someone else’s car, home, clothes, gadgets, holidays, or hobbies. We see more, so we compare more.
4. Advertising encourages emotional spending.
Brands sell more when we believe owning certain items equals success, beauty, or belonging.
5. Rising living costs can make basic comfort feel like luxury.
When prices go up, people feel even more pressure to appear like they’re “keeping up”, especially if others around them seem unaffected.
Unfortunately, these pressures can push people toward financial decisions that don’t align with their goals or reality.
The Real Cost of Keeping Up With the Joneses
Keeping up with the Joneses isn’t just a mindset—it has tangible consequences. Here are some of the biggest risks.
Debt and financial stress
People often overspend to match what they see around them. Studies have found strong links between social comparison and credit card debt, overspending, and dissatisfaction with personal finances (Dittmar, 2005).
Lifestyle inflation
As income rises, spending rises even faster—not because you need more, but because it feels normal to buy more. Lifestyle inflation is one of the biggest threats to long-term wealth building.
Reduced savings
Trying to keep up can eat into money meant for emergency funds, retirement savings, or future goals.
Lower happiness
Research shows that constantly comparing yourself to others leads to lower happiness and more anxiety, regardless of your actual financial situation.
Unclear goals and priorities
Instead of building a life around what matters to you, you end up following what looks good on the outside.
Breaking this cycle can make a dramatic difference not only to your financial health, but also to peace of mind.
How to Break Free from the Joneses Effect
Escaping the comparison trap doesn’t mean giving up nice things—it simply means making decisions based on your own values, not someone else’s lifestyle. Here are practical steps that work for teens, adults, and families alike.
Know your “why”
What matters most? Travel? Education? Comfort? Security? Once you understand your values, it becomes easier to ignore trends that don’t fit your goals.
Create a simple budget
A budget is not punishment—it’s a tool that gives you control. When you know where your money is going, you’re less likely to overspend on things that don’t matter.
Limit social media comparison
You don’t have to quit social media, but consider unfollowing accounts that trigger comparison or unrealistic expectations.
Celebrate small wins
Instead of focusing on what others have, focus on your own progress—saving $50, paying off a debt, or sticking to a budget for a month.
Surround yourself with supportive people
Friends who respect your goals won’t pressure you to spend money you don’t have.
Practise gratitude
Regularly recognising what you already have is proven to improve wellbeing and reduce envy.
Adopt a “values-based spending” approach
Spend money on what brings joy or improves your life—not what impresses someone else.
Track your long-term progress
Savings, investments, and personal growth often happen quietly. Tracking these can remind you that your future matters more than a moment of comparison.
FAQs
1. Is comparing myself to others always bad?
Not necessarily. Comparison can inspire you or show what’s possible. It becomes harmful when it leads to stress, overspending, or feeling inadequate.
2. How can teens deal with comparison on social media?
Limiting screen time, curating who you follow, and talking openly with trusted adults helps. Remember: most people only post their highlights, not their struggles.
3. What if friends pressure me to spend money I don’t have?
It’s okay to set boundaries. Suggest lower-cost alternatives or explain that you’re working toward a financial goal. Real friends won’t judge you for being responsible.
4. How do I stop feeling behind when others seem more successful?
Shift focus to your own long-term progress. Everyone’s journey is different, and timing varies. Success isn’t a race.
5. Can keeping up with the Joneses affect mental health?
Yes. Studies link excessive comparison to anxiety, depression, stress, and lower self-esteem (Vogel et al., 2014). Reducing comparison is good for your emotional wellbeing.
6. What’s the first step to breaking free from the habit?
Start by identifying your personal goals. When you know what you truly want, it becomes easier to ignore what doesn’t matter.
References
- Chou, H.-T. G., & Edge, N. (2012). “They Are Happier and Having Better Lives than I Am”: The Impact of Using Facebook on Perceptions of Others’ Lives. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking.
- Dittmar, H. (2005). A New Look at “Compulsive Buying”: Self-Discrepancy and Materialistic Values as Predictors of Compulsive Buying Tendency. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.
- Festinger, L. (1954). A Theory of Social Comparison Processes. Human Relations.
- Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social Comparison, Social Media, and Self-Esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture.
